


To Have and to Hold

by laceandgrace (thingsarequeer)



Series: To Have and to Hold [1]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-19
Updated: 2012-11-19
Packaged: 2017-11-19 02:25:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/568016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thingsarequeer/pseuds/laceandgrace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There’s a moment of deathly silence. Jared’s heartbeat careens out of control, and it feels like his whole body freezes up in a giant muscle lock. He can’t breathe. Jensen’s face is entirely blank, and the <i>oh shit</i> feeling is just starting to curl Jared's stomach in all the wrong ways when Jensen sighs heavily. “You’re an idiot, you know that?  You look like a puppy who's peed all over the carpet or something. What do you think I'm gonna do? Leave?”</p>
<p>Jared manages half a smile. “You’re not, right?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Have and to Hold

His breathing is erratic. Almost the way he gets when Jensen kisses him, hot and urgent. Except that right now there’s no heat in his belly. There's a flush high in his cheeks, but it has nothing to do with Jensen or even _thoughts_ of Jensen. Nope. The only heat that he’s feeling right now is the sharp burn of tears stinging behind his eyelids. 

And, really, he feels ridiculous. He couldn't possibly be any more of a girl about this, but that doesn’t mean that he can stop the tears smearing all over his cheeks. He scrubs at his eyes urgently with the heels of his hands but it doesn’t really do much good. It only burns more, and he casts one last, fevered glance around the room. 

The whole living room is in disarray. It’s not really much of a change except for the situation. He and Jensen aren’t exactly neat freaks, even if Jensen is occasionally given to cleaning fits after the smell becomes just too much to bear. Jared’s used to seeing piles of junk mail, old newspapers and DVD cases scattered around in haphazard piles. Except instead of just the tables or the sofa, today they cover the floor. It’s a miracle he can still see the carpet, and all he can do is stare miserably with eyes that are swollen from…

Fuck it. From _crying_. 

Jared takes his lower lip between his teeth, and chews it until he tastes the copper tang of blood. Sadie trots over, her tail only at half-wag because she knows that something is wrong. The way that she settles her chin on his knee asks clearly, _What’s wrong, Dad?_

“You didn’t eat it, did you?” he asks desperately, stomach roiling at the thought. “Oh god, won’t Jensen just love that. Except…you wouldn’t. You’re a smart girl. Your brother might have, though. Oh god, Jensen's going to _kill_ me.” The tears threaten to well up again, and Jared buries his face in his hands. Sadie licks at his fingers cheerfully, seeking the taste of salt. Jared sniffs loudly. 

The phone rings on its stand, startling him, and he reaches over to grab it. The voice on the other line is his dad’s – and far too cheerful. “Hey, son. How are things?” 

“Horrible.” Jared knows his tear-worn voice leaves no room for doubt that he’s completely serious. 

On the other end, his dad’s voice takes a dip into sincerity. “Something wrong? Did something happen? It’s not serious, is it?” 

“No,” says Jared. “Nothing serious.” His nose is running. Jared dabs at it absently, and he wishes for once that he’d listened to Jensen about having tissues in the living room. Now that he’s crying, he doesn’t really care how much of a woman it makes him feel like to see a box of tissues on the coffee table. 

"Just a bad day?"

“I lost my ring,” Jared blurts out, before he can stop himself. His voice warbles a little bit, and he coughs to pretend it’s nothing. “And I know it’s not a big deal, except that it is. I just…I can’t find it anywhere. And, god, I don’t even have the stupid excuse that it slipped off while I was doing the dishes. Because we don’t have a garbage disposal for it to go down. And we have a fucking dishwasher. What am I going to say? I’ve got nothing! I’m just a stupid idiot who doesn’t think and takes things off and doesn’t remember where he –” 

“Wait, wait. You took it off?” 

“I told you, Dad. I wasn’t fucking thinking!” 

“Language, Jared.”

“Sorry, sir.” 

“It’s alright,” his dad acknowledges calmly. “You’re upset. I understand. But you know the cardinal rule for married men, right?” 

Jared’s eyebrows furrow together. “What?” 

“Don’t ever take your ring off. We’re men. We lose things. Particularly small things. It’s why you never saw me take mine off.” 

“I’m such an idiot,” Jared groans, voice cracking again. “I’ve torn the whole house apart looking for the thing, and I still can’t find it. Jensen’s going to be so upset with me and he’s probably going to see it like I’m taking our marriage off.” 

Jared’s dad laughs. Actually _laughs_. Jared wants to throw a punch at the wall. “I’m serious, Dad.” 

“Jensen's a reasonable man. And he loves you. I doubt that he’ll see it that way at all,” his father says gently, his words a careful consolation. 

Jared makes a hopeless noise, and his dad laughs again. "Come on, Jared. He’ll probably roll his eyes a little bit, because it _is_ like you, but I doubt that anger will be his first thought. Just be honest, and it’ll be alright.” 

Jared opens his mouth to reply, and he's halfway to getting out another nervous whine when the front door opens, followed by the squeaky noise of Jensen’s shoes in the hallway. Jared snaps his jaw shut and swallows hard. “Got to go, Dad. Jen’s home. I’ll talk to you later.” 

“I’m sure you’ll find it eventually, son. Don’t worry about it. Look again tomorrow when you’re not as frantic.” 

“Thanks, Dad.” 

Jared carefully puts the phone back in its cradle just as Jensen appears. He looks worn out, eyes underlined with circles and shoulder slanted against the doorframe to allow him something to lean against. But his hip juts out slightly, and his office jacket hangs loosely on one curled finger over his shoulder. 

Jared can’t help it. Jensen can still make him stare. 

“Hey, you,” Jensen says softly, smile gentle. Jared averts his eyes for a moment, hand coming up to swipe at his still-wet cheeks before he looks again. Jared's pretty sure Jensen notices his red eyes, though, because the smile that he loves so much vanishes swiftly, replaced by a look of concern. “What’s wrong? _Jay, are you okay_?” 

Zero to sixty, Jensen’s crossing the room to get his fingers curled around Jared’s arms with a death grip. Jared just sniffles miserably, ashamed of his red eyes and runny nose but unable to do anything about it. Not now that Jensen’s watching him like a hawk. He laughs – a choked, _despondent_ laugh that doesn’t really count for much of anything. “Nothing like that, Jensen. ’M okay.” 

“Oh, thank God.” Jensen’s face relaxes into visible relief, and his tight, vice-like grip on Jared’s shoulders loosens. After a moment, his hands carefully move up to thumb away some of Jared’s tears. Jared closes his eyes tightly, and lets Jensen's touch soothe him until he can find the courage to speak. Jensen’s breath warms his forehead as he leans closer to brush his lips there. “You scared me. What’s the matter, Jay? I don’t like to see you cry.” 

“I’m so sorry –” 

“Don’t apologize, Jay. Just…Tell me what’s wrong?” Jared forces himself to open his eyes again. Chews on his lower lip until Jensen uses his thumb to pull it away. “C’mon, baby. You’ve got me worrying again.” 

Jared lets out a shaky breath with the words, so that they kind of mumble together. 

Jensen looks puzzled for a moment and cranes closer, trying to catch what Jared is saying. “What was that?” 

Oh, lord. Jared can feel his lower lip almost wobbling the way that a toddler’s does. He sniffs again, and then heaves another breath. “I lost my ring.” 

“Oh.” Jensen’s eyes wander to Jared’s left hand, head on a tilt while he considers this piece of information. Jensen's eyes suddenly fill with terrifying realization, and Jared just wants to curl up in a corner so he can psych himself up for the rant he's going to get from Jensen. “ _Oh_.” 

There’s a moment of deathly silence. Jared’s heartbeat careens out of control, and it feels like his whole body freezes up in a giant muscle lock. He can’t breathe. Jensen’s face is entirely blank, and the _oh shit_ feeling is just starting to curl Jared's stomach in all the wrong ways when Jensen sighs heavily. “You’re an idiot, you know that? You look like a puppy who's peed all over the carpet or something. What do you think I'm gonna do? Leave?”

Jared manages half a smile. “You’re not, right?” God. He sounds so desperate and needy. Desperate and needy for _reassurance_. “I know I’m an idiot, Jensen, but please…I can’t –” 

Jensen snorts and shakes his head. “Idiot.” 

And then, just as Jared opens his mouth to apologize one more time, Jensen’s fingers curl into his shirt so that he can plant a firm, possessive kiss on Jared’s lips. When he pulls away, Jared feels his face grow slightly warm and he can’t help the look of surprise that shapes his features. 

“You seriously think I need a ring to lay claim to you? I can always buy you another one, Jay. But _this_?” One rough palm presses against the place where Jared’s heart is beating erratically. “This is all us. That ring doesn’t mean anything without your promise behind it. Okay?” 

“Okay,” Jared finally answers, his voice sounding very small. “I just love you. I was scared –” 

“Never,” Jensen says firmly, whole body leaning forward into the anticipation of helping Jared understand it. Helping him understand _them_. “Don’t even think it, baby. I love you until death do us part. And I mean it.” 

There’s one more second of uncertain silence between them, and then Jared cracks a genuine smile. “You’re so corny.” 

Jensen chuckles and sinks down into the couch cushions beside him. “Says the man crying over a wedding ring.” His hand squeezes Jared’s knee gently, and then moves up slow, burning hot along his thigh. “Now kiss me, you fool.”


End file.
